Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
