my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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