I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
