it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
