i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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