Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
