i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
