Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
