if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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