I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
