good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
