I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
