New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
