I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
