Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
