the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
