So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
