I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
