i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
