btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
