peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
