someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
