my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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