Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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