doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
