JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
