Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
