Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
