some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
