Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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