I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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