I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
