my mouth tastes like poor choices
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
