thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
