I look better un-naked...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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