well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
