we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
