I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
