After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
