I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
