You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
