Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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