I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
