I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Screwed.edu
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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