apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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