your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she told me i tasted like america
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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