Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
