you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
