I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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