I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
