I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
