There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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