i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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