sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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