She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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