They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
