Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just gargled with NyQuil
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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